December memories of Jeff & Patrick

This time of year can be a little melancholy for me.
I've been thinking of friends and family who have passed away... mainly two guys.
My brother, who's birthday is December 14th, would be 33 this year.  Weird.
And then there's my buddy Patrick who died last December.  He had just turned 30.

I've had the privilege of listening to a few live bands the last few weeks and as fun as it has been, it has been bittersweet.  Jeff and Pat were both music lovers so watching people play music (and have fun playing) reminds me of them.  I remember playing with Jeff and our dreams of being in a band.  We weren't that great... we didn't have the same style and were always fighting over what songs to play or how to play them... but I'd still love to be able to play with Jeff again, even if the only dynamics he used was FORTISSIMO.  We loved playing "Folsom Prison Blues" by Johnny Cash and "Break on Through to the Other Side" by the Doors.  Pat was a high school friend who, along with a few others, taught me how to play guitar.  He wasn't super great either, but again... we had fun.  I learned how to play a few Zeppelin songs like "Over the Hills and Far Away" and "Stairway to Heaven" from him.

I don't normally talk about the following stuff, as it can feel like I'm speaking ill of the dead, but it's heavy on my heart... I hope you know my intentions aren't too speak poorly of my brother or of Pat... but here goes:  Both Jeff and Patrick died too early because of addictions they couldn't shake.

My brother was convinced he was invincible with drunk driving... he'd been in so many accidents that he'd walked away from somehow.  (They never were his fault, either...)  We even joked about the "Jeff Wellman Special" he pulled when he knocked over a power pole after flipping his car several times.  I think I never wanted to admit that his final car accident was a result of alcohol... I felt like people judged my brother and I didn't want to give them reason for their judgment.  I didn't want to remember him for his faults.  I don't really want people to remember me for mine.

Pat had a relapse and overdosed on heroin.  I know people judged him, too.  I was at his memorial and heard some of the well-intentioned but hurtful comments.

And while this is not how I want to remember them, it is part of their life stories.  It breaks my heart that addictions took the life of these two young men.  It breaks my heart that they struggled to fight addiction (sometimes they didn't really try to fight it...) and were often alone in the struggle.  It breaks my heart that I wasn't able to do more for either of them.  I didn't know how to deal with it.  Not sure why I'm even sharing this in my blog.

I guess I just miss them... no, it's not even that.  I don't miss that part of them.  Jeff could be a real jerk when he was belligerent and convinced he wasn't drunk.  And I'm kind of glad I never saw Patrick during the years he struggled with his addiction even though I made efforts.  (I feel guilty admitting that...  I feel like a horrible friend.)

I do miss them.  But I think what hurts the most is that I miss what could have been.

I'm sad Jeff and I didn't get that summer to hang out and play music and float down the river like we had planned when I returned home from Australia.  I'm sad that I didn't catch up with Pat last December like we had planned the weekend before he died.
I'm sad that I have regrets.
I'm sad that I have guilt for having regrets.  (Because I've been taught you shouldn't have them.)
I'm sad when I see guys their age who are successful or who have families... I feel like addictions robbed them of their chance at either.

I'm even sad that I am afraid to post this because you might judge them...
or try to give me some advice which I neither need nor want.
Why do I want to post this?
What great moral could I pull out of all of this pain and heartache?
Don't drink and drive?  Don't do drugs?
Sure... I would love if me telling you that would encourage you to get help and stop doing either.
But I doubt it would.
Maybe this post is for my friends, like me, who don't struggle with drug or alcohol addictions.
A message to love well and not give up on our loved ones who do struggle with this crap.
A message to be the hands and feet of Jesus to a hurting world.

I honestly don't have a message or moral to share.  I just felt like I needed to share.  But here's some verses from Micah that have reminded me of the only hope and positive thing I can share... which is my God's character.  He doesn't change, even when I'm sad or angry.  Even when I feel angry with myself for still dealing with grief.  Even when I feel robbed of the "what could have beens."  God is still here.  His love for Jeff and Patrick never failed.  His love for me never failed.  He hasn't left me to sit in the pits alone.
He's with us.  I guess that's pretty cool.

Who is a God like you, 
pardoning iniquity and passing over the transgression 
of the remnant of your possession?
He does not retain his anger forever, 
because he delights in showing clemency.
He will again have compassion on us;
he will tread our iniquities under foot.
You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.
You will show faithfulness to Jacob
and unswerving loyalty to Abraham,
as you have sworn to our ancestors from the days of old.
Micah 7:18-20

Family photo 1982 - isn't Jeff adorable?  So excited for newborn itty-bitty sister Jillian!   

Patrick doing what he loved - playing songs and making people smile.  

Job Complete

I taught the book of Job last week and the students had a special assignment to create videos telling the story creatively.  There is so much to this book, but here are a few things I took away from this book:

• When life hurts, answers won't make things better.  We need God more than answers.
• When we cry out to God in our pain, we join with many others who lamented to him in the Bible:  David, Jeremiah, Job, and Jesus... just to name a few.  Those laments weren't edited out of the Bible... they stand as a reminder that it's okay to talk with God in our pain.
• If a person is suffering, it is not necessarily a result of sin.  On the other hand, if someone is "righteous" it does not mean they will not have suffering in life.  God is relational, not transactional.  Things aren't always cause and effect.  

In less than 3 weeks I will be teaching Micah for our CSBS and the Tijuana CSBS, so I must keep this update short as I have much work to do!  I will teach on December 10th in Tijuana and on the 11th in Los Angeles.  Really looking forward to diving into the prophets.

Oh yes, here's a video from Job from one of the groups - hope you enjoy!

Is it November already???

Frontside of Trailer 15 - My house!  I have 4 awesome roommates and the other side of the house is a nice Australian/American family with two kids

Here's me grading homework in a vacant cubicle

Here's the SBS Classroom - Our Theme is Illumination

Campfire at Joshua Tree National Park

Our new yellow wall!  

CHOC Walk at Disneyland - with Phineas & Ferb

I'm pretty excited to share that the CSBS in Los Angeles is well underway - they've finished Genesis through Samuel and are gearing up for the Wisdom Literature section (Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, and Job - which I will be teaching!)  We went to Joshua Tree National Park for the "Wilderness Wandering" a few weeks ago, where the students reenacted stories from Exodus and Numbers.  I've been quite busy in the last month, mostly with grading, meeting with students, and prepping my own teaching times as well as working Friday nights in the coffee shop on base.  But, no excuses, it was time for an update!

In my free time, I've been settling into my home here in Lake View Terrace.  My roommate, Emily and I painted our room (we have a happy yellow wall now), I've seen some old friends in Orange County, and I participated in the CHOC Walk - a fundraiser for Children's Hospital of Orange County.  I've also found a home-away-from-home church down the road - Winds of Hope, a Spanish/English Church with a similar feel to it as Hockinson Community Church and Central Kona Union - it's small, but full of life!  

Some fun news, I'll be bringing two girls from the school home to Washington with me for Christmas - Eva and Emilie from Germany and Sweden.  We will be driving up on Saturday, December 22nd and arriving on the 23rd to stay for 2 weeks!  

So a few prayer requests:

- For students to keep going strong for the rest of the quarter (and the 2 quarters after!)

- For my upcoming teaching on the book of Job on November 19th-20th

- For strength & energy for myself (and the other staff) as we grade, teach, and help with base responsibilities

- For my back, I tweaked it at the beach last week and it's still quite painful :/  

Thank you so much for your prayers and for taking the time to read what's been happening with me in California!  Dios te Bendiga!!!

Genesis 2012

Cliff teaching Genesis (Our theme verse is on the wall!)



"Truth Board" - During worship each week the students write down what God has been revealing to them through their studies - this is our first one!

The Chronological School of Biblical Studies (CSBS) kicked off Sunday night with 24 students and 8 staff.  We spent time in worship and getting to know one another on Monday, but then Tuesday brought on Genesis first readings!  (This is where the students read the whole book out loud in one sitting to get the big picture before they dive into the details.)  Yesterday we took time out from Genesis and went to Manhattan Beach.  I loved being back in the waves!  I think I had a perma-grin the whole day.  (In case you didn’t know, I love the ocean.)  

About our students:  I LOVE THEM!  Such a great group of passionate young people who want to change the world.  But there is some baggage they carry with them.  (Don’t we all?)  Without going into details, a large percentage of our students have dealt with major grief issues in the past year - from a brother who committed suicide to a fellow DTS classmate who was murdered after she had returned home.  There’s some heartache in our group and I am so humbled to be part of shepherding this flock of wounded sheep, if you will.  What I love though, is that they have come to the Bible for healing, for truth, for some sort of foundation for the hope that they have.  It reminds me of when I first came to my CSBS in 2009.  I didn’t have any great aspirations... my heart was hurting and I missed my brother... but I came to Jesus and met him in the pages of the Bible.  My heart’s cry was like the disciple, Peter, when Jesus was saying difficult things and causing his disciples to make a conscious decision... it wasn’t a huge statement of faith... it was a basic realization that Jesus was THE only answer.

66 After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. 67 So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” 68 Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, 69 and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”  (John 6:66-69)

I believe that is why our students have come.  They believe Jesus has the words of eternal life and that he alone is the Holy One of God.  Some of them have believed this for a long time, some have only believed this for under a year and don’t even know the name of the guy who was in the ark or in the belly of the big fish.  We are all going to be learning and growing as we sit at the feet of the Holy One of God, the one who has the words of eternal life.  

So please pray for us.  Bible study is not like other studies.  It changes us, molds us more into the people we were created to be.  Sometimes that is an easy and natural process, sometimes it is a painful, yet beautiful process.  

• Pray for the students who have recently lost a friend or loved one.  
• Pray for the students who have been living as missionaries for a few years, but became disillusioned and are coming to the Bible to strengthen their foundations so they can continue to serve for the long haul.  
• Pray for the students who just came to know Jesus in 2012 and have chosen to start off their relationship with him digging into the Bible to know him more.  
• And by all means, please pray for us staff who have the privilege and responsibility to lead and teach these little ones.  
• Pray that we might have the fear of the Lord in all we do, that we would teach and live with integrity, and that we might flourish in this season and not burn out.  
• Pray for our leaders, Nigel & Megan Burmester!  They are an awesome family and are carrying a lot of things on their shoulders in this time.  Megan is homeschooling her two boys, leading a women's bible study at her church, and helping to co-lead this school!  Nigel is co-leading this school and also an elder for YWAM Los Angeles and a go-to guy for the accounting office.  They need prayers for grace and extra hours in the day.  

What about you?  Have you ever felt like you had no where else to go?  Like you came to Jesus because you had tried everything else and finally realized he was the only answer, the only resolution to your searches?  How did you find him in that moment?  Was it through the Bible, through a friend, through a good book or song?  How could you encourage someone else to turn to him?  

Thanks for reading this, praying, and commenting!  

In LA!

I hit the ground running here.  Once I dropped Dad off at Burbank airport, I drove back and immediately joined the other staff for 2 weeks of staff training and preparation for the Chronological School of Biblical Studies!  The CSBS starts tomorrow.  I am in between airport runs at the moment, so I probably won't write much right now.  

Los Angeles is... in a few words... hot, refreshing, really hot, feeling like home, but really hot right now.  :)  Seriously, it does feel like I'm supposed to be here and that God has been orchestrating this season in my life as he has always been doing.  I drove down with my finances dwindling after purchasing my car, but this week was blessed with enough money to pay back some money I had borrowed for tires, as well as enough to pay for my food and housing fees for September and October and my car insurance for six months.  

I want to share more about who gave towards me and acknowledge each person by name, but at the risk of embarrassing someone, I'll just say... THANK YOU.  I have some very generous friends and family who love me and give towards the missions work I do.  And I'd like to say, "We made it!"  I'm here in LA because of you!  I'm still serving the Lord as a full-time volunteer because of you!  

Okay, I better be off now... one more girl to pick up from Burbank airport tonight!  

More updates to come!

Love,

Jillian

Going to California

I want to share a bit about Los Angeles and why I'm so excited to be moving to the city of Angels.  

But first, a little retrospect.

I have worked with Youth With A Mission for nearly 10 years.  I have lived in cities and I have lived in villages.  I have lived with electricity and without.  I have lived in houses without walls (Fale in Samoa) and I have lived in dorms without kitchens.  I have traveled to and lived in 16 different nations with no salary.  I rely on the Lord to provide my financial needs, and most often he does this through my awesome friends and family - people who see what I do as valuable and worth supporting.  There have been years where this has meant trusting God for enough money to buy toothpaste and there have been years where I've had abundance and have been able take friends out for dinner.  

But what keeps me going?  Why am I still in YWAM after all these years?  

It comes down to me truly believing that what I do makes a difference in this world.  I admit I'm not perfect (surprise!) and neither is YWAM.  But as I serve in my area of YWAM (Staffing in the SBS - School of Biblical Studies) I believe I am making a difference in my students' lives and I'm also playing a part of a much bigger production that is making a difference in the lives of many.  YWAM is a big movement.  Over 1000 operating locations in over 180 countries, with a (all volunteer) staff of over 18,000?  It's a little crazy.  But I am part of this crazy big movement.  I have former students that I have mentored (we call it discipleship) who are now serving in Papua New Guinea in the area of primary health care.  I have friends in Kona who are working to advance the Gospel through marine biology!  We do everything from straight up Bible teaching and evangelism to meeting practical needs like sustainable clean water projects.  I am still with YWAM because I have seen lives changed by this movement, my own life included.  

So... why Los Angeles and why SBS?

It's my part to play.  I believe the Bible has the power to transform individuals and societies.  I believe Christians need to know what the Bible says in order to communicate the Gospel message to the world.  And the School of Biblical Studies equips Christians to know the Bible.  And while the SBS is run all over the world, I am excited to move back to Los Angeles and work with the Chronological SBS there because of relationships I have there.  Let's face it.  Working relationships can make or break a job, right?  It's no different in Christian ministry.  Even in the Bible there were a couple guys who didn't work well together and parted ways because of a disagreement over another colleague's involvement in their ministry.  I'm not going to LA because I think it superior in beauty to Hawaii!  I am going because I believe God is calling me to serve at YWAM LA... and because I believe the working relationships there will be more fitting for me, and therefore, I will be able to serve in a greater capacity.  That's why I'm excited to be moving to Los Angeles!  It's the people!  And the order... I love studying and teaching the Bible in Chronological order.  It just makes the story come alive!  Oh, and LA is such a mix of cultures!  And it is closer to home than Hawai'i!  And... the list goes on... but the main thing is, God is totally behind this move.  I feel such peace and excitement in going to LA.  Even the thought of smog doesn't deter me!  

There is a lot happening with YWAM Los Angeles, and I encourage you to check it out and see how you can get involved.  

www.ywamla.org 

  

PS.  Washingtonians:  Come to Hockinson Community Church this Sunday, August 26th!  It's my last Sunday before I leave for LA and I'll be there with my ukulele!  :)

Whirlwind

 whirl·wind n

1.            a column of air rotating rapidly around a core of low pressure

2.            something that happens very quickly, or a rapid succession of events (often used before a noun)

That is how I feel these last few weeks have been.  I have embarked on three different trips in less than 3 weeks:

            From Oahu back to Big Island

                        From Big Island Back to Washington

                                    And I’m currently en route from Washington to Montana!

OAHU

            I left Oahu at the end of the New Testament portion of the Honolulu SBS (School of Biblical Studies).  Our students are already deep into the Old Testament having finished Genesis and gearing up for more.  Though I am not going to be staffing their Old Testament term, I will continue to pray for them and would ask you to join me!  Studying the Bible is not a minor task… not only is it a lot of work academically, but spiritually as well!  Pray that they might not be discouraged, but would endure to the end!

BIG ISLAND

            I spent two weeks in Kona visiting with my roommates, friends, and neighbors… And packing up all of my belongings to move back to the mainland.  Scuba gear, guitar, ukulele, clothes… my bags were not light! 

            In this time I had the opportunity to serve with Deep & Beyond on one of their Snorkel Days for people with disabilities and one of their Adventure Camps for disadvantaged youth from the Kona community.  This Three-day biology “day camp” is designed to teach youth Biblical life principles alongside lessons on Marine Biology.  For example, on Day Two we took the youth on a hike to Kiholo Bay where there are several brackish caves.  They learned that life couldn’t grow when there is complete darkness.  Plants need sunlight for photosynthesis and animals need plants for food.  So we swam as a group to the back of a cave and turned off all of our dive lights and Annamari, my friend who founded Deep & Beyond, shared that we need the Light of Jesus to have Life. 

            I also had to let go of my car after I discovered it had a blown head gasket and starter.  I was able to sell it for $100 on Craigslist, but it discouraged me for several days.  When I prayed about it, I felt God kept reminding me that He’s got me.  He’s got this – my lack of a car or finances to buy one on the mainland.  And I felt challenged to write down some of the blessings and ways God has provided for me over the last 10 years.  I wrote down only a few things for each year since 2002 and I could have kept writing for much longer!  Why should I be discouraged, why should I doubt?  He has always provided for my needs, and I can trust that he will continue to do just that.  He’s faithful even when I’m not… when I worry or stress out about minor things, He’s still faithful. 

            Last thing I want to share about my time in Kona… I was able to go diving one last time with my friends, Annamari and Stephanie and Annamari’s husband, Jeff.  We went to Puako, one of my favorite dive sites, and swam through arches and caves.  We saw moray eels, snowflake eels, a crown of thorns starfish, a titan’s trumpet sea snail, honu (green sea turtles), and all sorts of beautiful marine life.  But the best part was finding two perfect reticulated cowry shells next to each other at the mouth of a cave. The problem was one was kind of behind a pencil urchin and hard to grasp with my dive gloves.  So I just grabbed the one that was easier to grasp and swam off, afraid I was making my dive buddies wait for me too long.  But as I swam off I thought, “Wait a minute, I want both of those cowries!”  So I went back and took off one of my gloves and grabbed the left-behind cowry and put it safely with the first in my zippered BCD pocket.  As I put it in my pocket I felt like God spoke a promise into my heart, as clear as I’ve ever heard.  He said, “I will not leave you alone.”  Isn’t that an amazing promise?  Thank you, Jesus, for that reminder!  With you we are never alone!

WASHINGTON

            I had 1.5 days with Mom & Dad in between Kona and Montana, so Dad decided to make the most of it… we went wakeboarding both days!  Then I repacked a quick carry on bag and Mom & Dad made me a packed lunch for the train and Dad dropped me off at the Amtrak station. 

MONTANA

            I will be attending the SBS North American Hub Boost – a Conference for (just as it sounds) giving SBSs in North America a “boost.”  SBS Leaders and Staff are gathering to discuss and learn what works and what doesn’t, why we do what we do, how to improve grading and tests so they teach and not just assess, etc, etc.  I’m so excited to get to spend one week connecting with other SBS staff and leaders who have been doing this longer than myself as well as other newbies like myself.  I love that we are gathering and seeking ways to constantly be growing and improving!  I think all ministries and individuals need these sorts of times… at least I know I do. 

AND BEYOND!

            After this conference in Montana, I head back to Washington for two weeks!  If you’re in the area, I would love to see you at that time! 

            After Washington I head south to LOS ANGELES to staff the Chronological SBS.  I am not sure how I’m getting there yet, but it will be sometime during Labor Day Weekend that I make my way South. 

            Thus ends my rather long and tedious update.  Bless you all… and if there’s one take-away I’d like to share with you is this:  God is your provider (always was and always will be!)  So…

            “Count your blessings, name them one by one.  Count your many blessings see what God has done.”

Three-O

Yep, I'm only two days away from my 30s!  Awesome!  And weird!  

My mom wrote such a sweet post on Facebook yesterday:

30 years AGO--which is a long time when you think about it--a REALY long time--I was HUGE--well actually I was pregnant --but HUGE all the same--It was hot outside and I had a 2 1/2 year old to tote around too--in those days we didn't have the option of knowing the sex of the baby--Stan had picked out the name of Joseph Bradley as we figured another boy was in our future but somewhere in the back of my mind--I hoped for a girl--a squishy, dress in pink, little sweetie--I had picked the name Jillian Esther if I was so fortunate to have a girl--- and I spent my days waddling around, entertaining the 2 1/2 year old and floating in Jeff's wading pool face first with my belly in the inner-tube while he splashed around. I was grateful no one could see me as I looked like a whale and felt like one too--little did I know--that 3 days later a VERY special someone would greet me with a YELL! I was actually due in July but of course the Doctor doesn't REALLY know--he just guesses--so as I approach the 28th of june--I think about my special someone who has made my life complete--love you Jillian E


Sweet, right?  My parents are pretty awesome.  But birthdays for me have been a little weird ever since I passed my brother in years.  (He was 27 when he died in 2007.)  I'm not really depressed or sad when I think about him... more so reflective... a bit nostalgic perhaps.  I find myself listening to 90's alternative music and remembering rides to and from school with Jeff - good memories, not sad memories.  Music was a big part of our lives.  Playing music, listening to music, writing music... when I think of the music we enjoyed, I remember good times.  It's funny how I can hardly remember the bad times... I remember we had them, but the details have grown fuzzy as the years have passed and what's remained is the good times.  That is such a gift from God for which I am so grateful.  But when I think of being my parents' first kid (or only kid) to turn 30, that still feels wrong - out of sorts.  It's weird that I miss him but I'm not sad.  And I don't really have guilt for not being sad like I once had.  I feel like I'm doing okay.

I guess this is a random sort of birthday post.  But... then again, I'm rather random.

I've come to the conclusion that life is too short to remember and dwell on the bad.
So...
Here's to living life to the fullest and remembering the good times!
Cheers!

Cheese.  

A Bridge...

What do you call a Kiwi, Swiss, Chinese and American hanging out around a pink floatie ring?  YWAMers.  

Kesia and I chillin at Yokohama Bay - We miss Big Island, but O'ahu's not too shabby.  :)

I will miss Hawai'i.

Our students have finished Luke, Acts, and all of Paul's letters leaving only 11 books in the New Testament!  I am especially looking forward to this coming week where Ron & Judy Smith, will be teaching Matthew and Hebrews.  They will complete their study of the New Testament on July 15th after the last book, Revelation is taught by Steve Gregg, author of "Revelation: Four Views".  I will head back to Kona on July 18th for 2 weeks of packing, fellowship, and all the details a move like this entails.

Transitions are always bittersweet.  I can't help but pray this is the last transition I make for a while.  I remember thinking in my early YWAM days, "I hope I always travel, always see new places in the world... I never want to stay in one place!"  And yet... here I am, turning 30 on June 28th, and more and more wanting to be settled and have a place to call home.

There's been a picture God has given me over and over throughout my life:  that I would be a bridge for others to get into missions.  And as much as I've fought this at times (bridges get walked on, after all) I've come to realize that I find so much joy and peace when I am that bridge - who God has created me to be.  When I see another dedicate their life to missions, for the sake of the Gospel... and know I had a part in their becoming a missionary (however miniscule a part) I think, "This is why I do what I do!"  This is what it's all about for me.  This is why I'm still serving in YWAM after 9 years.  This is why I work the long hours.  This is why I teach the Bible, why I grade homework, why I lead  worship, why I attend meetings, why I cook meals or prepare snacks... because I'm investing in the lives of world changers who will take the truth and hope of God to the nations.  

So when I'm tempted to throw in the towel and just return to the nine to five because I'm not on the "frontlines" of ministry 24/7, I hear God quietly remind me that my role as a bridge is just as vital as the roles of those who would walk over this bridge into their calling.  And hopefully this bridge will be stationary for the next few years.   

What about you?  What is the role God has called you to fulfill?  Are you doing well?
If you are weary in your role, I pray God would strengthen you and give you rest.
If you feel unappreciated, I pray God would encourage you.
If you are unsure of what God has called you to do, I pray God would bring clarity and peace in how you can serve him right where you are right now.

May you be so encouraged and blessed, dear friends.  

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Just finished teaching Colossians, my last teaching for the New Testament portion of the Honolulu SBS.  I really love our students and staff, this is such a great group of people hungry for the Word of God!

But, the title of this post is changes, so let me address the changes that are taking place in my life.

2 weeks ago a decision was made to keep the Hawaiian Islands SBS in Honolulu for the entirety of the 9 months, rather than return to Kona for the Old Testament.
My commitment to SBS in Kona finishes in August, but I was going to staff the whole school since I'd return to Kona and I have sort of built a life there.  I have great roommates in Kona, I have a car there, and I have really grown to love the land and sea surrounding this part of Hawai'i.
When the decision was made to stay in Honolulu, I felt like God was releasing me from staying in Honolulu.  I haven't had the easiest time here.  Not because of anyone, just how it goes I suppose.  Some places you click and some places you don't.

So, I will finish my commitment to stay in Honolulu until mid-July at the end of the New Testament.  I will be leaving at that time to return to Kona.  But because I won't be staffing SBS in Kona now, this has opened the doors for me to look beyond Kona as well.  I know it will be hard to say aloha (for now) to my roommates and neighbors and friends in Kona, but I believe God is calling me onwards from there.  I'll be there for 1-2 weeks at the end of July to sort out packing up things and saying "see you later."

I still am passionate about teaching the Bible in SBS and want to see Pacific Islanders equipped and sent out into worldwide missions.  With that in mind and in my heart, I am going to attend the North America SBS Conference in Montana in August, and then I will be relocating to YWAM Los Angeles to work with the Chronological School of Biblical Studies for the next 2 years.  I would like to eventually see SBS re-pioneered in the Pacific, but I am not ready at this stage to be a part of that vision.  Los Angeles is a lot more accessible to Washington than Hawai'i, and I feel that is also important.

This isn't a rash decision, but one I've made with much council from my leader here in Honolulu, the director of SBS in Kona, and also my pastor in Washington and friends and family.

But it is a change and I would appreciate your prayers that I would make the next two months here in Honolulu the best they could be, and that God would prepare the way for a smooth transition from here to Los Angeles and everywhere in between.

Thanks so much!

Famiry

I realize I haven't posted much about Honolulu.  I will soon.

But this week I am visiting my family in Washington and being reminded of how much God values family.  I know I'm not one to talk... My parents live in Washington and I live on an island that is really accessible by plane only (unless you have money and time for a cruise.)  That flight is 5 hours if you get a direct flight... which you probably won't.  I realize I'm not the greatest example of living close to family.  But, family is family and when times get tough, what family does is pull together.  So here I am in Washington.

I flew home for a few reasons this May...

First, my brother died on Mother's Day, May 13th, 2007... and that day is still hard for myself and for my parents.  I wanted to be there for my mom.  It has been five years but we still remember and miss our Jeff.

But secondly, my friend's mom is dying from cancer.  This same friend was there for me when my brother died... I just want to live out what I said above: when times get tough, what family does is pull together.  I want to be there for my friend like she was there for me and my parents.

And lastly, my grandmother is also battling cancer and she lives on my parents' property.  She is an amazing woman who has had much influence in my life.  I am happy to be able to take her to her radiation appointments and spend time with her on the drive there and back.  I also helped her with some gardening today.  :)

Sometimes I feel guilty because I'm the person who is always taking "vacations" to go home for one thing or another.  And other times I feel guilty because I'm not home enough.  But I guess it all boils down to family.  God gave me an amazing family in Washington.  He's also given me amazing hanai (kind of like "adopted") family all over the world.  But when times get tough for one of my families, I'm going to do whatever is in my power to get to that family and be there.  Be it skype or in person, God is teaching me to value and be there for my family.

There is much more I want to write.  There are some changes on the horizon for me (in regards to my work with YWAM) but I cannot make them public just yet.  Please keep me in your prayers in the meantime.  This has been a difficult and dark season for me.  But I am starting to see the sun on the horizon and I know I'll get through this.

Looking forward to a sunny and even brighter tomorrow,
Jillian

Around Honolulu

Me and my little friend, Ella!  Her parents are staffing the SBS with me :)

3 Tables (North Shore, Oahu)

Krista, Jessica, Kesia, Jae In, and Jess making Chinese Dumplings... Soooo tasty!

Hetty and I at Manoa Falls

Ayumi, Celine, Milda, Hetty, Jonna, and myself - Hiking to Manoa Falls

Four Months in Manoa

Greetings from YWAM Honolulu deep in the heart of Manoa Valley, Oahu, Hawai'i!

I'm settling in and making this place home, and figured I had better write you all! I have two roommates, Jonna (Pronounced Yoh-nuh) from Finland, and Krista from Tennessee. These two girls are going to be staffing the SBS with me. The other staff for our school is made up of 4 married couples/families.

The DTS from YWAM Honolulu is preparing to leave for outreach this Thursday. They are headed out in four teams to China, Thailand, Cambodia, and India to preach the Gospel and serve in practical ways, from teaching English in China to ministering among prostitutes in India. They have been very welcoming and friendly despite our limited time with them.

And then there is our SBS, which starts ONE WEEK FROM TODAY. Oh man. I think that just registered in my mind. We have around 20 students coming. We had a few accepted students who weren't able to get their visas to the USA... but we trust that God has plans for them even in this unexpected (in our eyes at least) turn of events!

So as we look forward to the arrival of our students from around the world, we are busy preparing our classroom and dorms for them. And busy preparing to teach as well. Our school leader, Plamena really champions us. She wants us to teach as much as possible, to give input in decisions for the school, and to grow in our teaching and leadership gifts. It is really a blessing to have leadership that is so dedicated to serving and developing the staff working with them. We even have two full-time pastoral staff who will not have grading or teaching responsibilities, but will be there to care for the hearts of us staff and students. Such a blessing!

A few things to pray for:

• Our students who still need visas - for favor with their interviewers and the US government
• Our students who still need finances - that God would provide and give them creative ideas how to raise the needed funds
• Relationships among our staff team to be strong and healthy - we are still getting to know one another and most have never worked with one another before this school
• Pray for this SBS to be a school marked by joy and a passion to learn - both our staff and students

Akua ho'omaika'i oe

Jillian

Oahu bound... and the brake light saga!

I know, I know... it feels like I just got back and now I'm leaving again. To be honest, I haven't been super excited about Oahu. I've been pretty busy the past few weeks, so I really haven't had much time to think about it... but I fly over on Saturday and our "Staff Training" time for the Hawaiian Islands School of Biblical Studies will start on Monday. I suppose transitions always create mixed emotions, but I'm just trusting God that when my feet step off the plane in Oahu my heart will come along, too and not be left behind in Kona!

Now, about the brake lights... It all started 2 weekends ago when my little neighbor (Lucas) turned 6 and I went to his birthday party.

Little did I know my safety inspection sticker was expired... On my way home from the party I was pulled over. Thankfully, the officer was super chill and just told me to get it renewed otherwise I could get pulled over and get a $75 ticket. So on Monday I went to get the inspection done and the guy says, "Uh, your brake lights aren't working... get that fixed and I can pass you." I went home and called my dad, googled solutions, and checked fuses and a light bulb. It seemed the issue was the brake light switch. Unfortunately, last week I was swamped with serving in hospitality, starting early in the mornings and going all day, so I didn't have a chance to do anything with my car. I kept driving it and praying nobody would rear-end me (or pull me over.)

And now for my divergent/attention deficit rabbit trails...

Here's a few things I served last week:

Alaska Salmon with lemon & dill (this photo was taken before it went in the oven)

One of the snack stops for a progressive lunch... at a construction site... That's a door on two sawhorses and fresh fruit salad. Pretty nice for a condo under construction, right?

Aaanyway, on Sunday I got a ride to church with some others on the worship team and borrowed roomie's car for the evening Filipino service (my last week of teaching Sunday School, awww!!!) I was feeling pretty uncomfortable driving without the brake lights AND the expired safety, so I avoided it as much as possible. Come Monday I promptly bought a brake light switch and had my neighbor Andrew install it. *Side note: I seriously have the best downstairs neighbors!* But the brake lights still didn't work.

UGH.

Off to the mechanic. This morning I took the car in to a place Andrew recommended and the guy totally helped me out... The verdict? Some relay thing in the trunk (sorry, Dad... I forget what he called it!) It's been quite the stress... as my dad knows since I've been bugging him at work several times this past week! Anyway, it's just suuuuch a relief to have it taken care of. Even if it is only 3 days before I leave the island.

So, that's the brake light saga. I'm grateful to have come to the end of that story. Next, I suppose, will be the starter. But not too soon I hope. I'm thinking Mom & Dad need to come out here for a visit in August and Dad can help me with car stuff... and I'll take him diving in exchange! Sounds like a plan!

Next SBS starts April 2nd, 2012!

The Hawaiian Islands School of Biblical Studies will be starting in Honolulu on April 2nd and I'm gearing up to head over for staff training on March 10th.

We have 18 accepted students and many more still in process. These students are coming from all over the world - Switzerland, China, India, Ghana, USA, The Congo, Canada, New Zealand, Japan, Samoa, Nigeria, Korea, and Indonesia. Yeah, I guess you could say it's going to be a diverse mix! :)

I've mentioned before that this is my first time working with a traditional SBS (non-Chronological). I'm getting really excited about starting out in the New Testament, and while I still feel somewhat like its cheating or giving away the end of the story, I am excited that our students will get to study the Old Testament through the eyes of the New. Though I think I'm still biased towards the Chronological approach, I want to understand more why others choose to study and teach the Bible starting with the New.

My first books I will be teaching are Ephesians and Colossians. I'm looking forward to both, as they are some of my favorite letters written by Paul.

But, I still have about 3 weeks until I head to Honolulu, and in the meantime here are some things I have been and will be doing in Kona before I leave:

* Helping with student applications and visas

* Volunteering for Snorkel Day *Tomorrow!*

* Hospitality for a week of meetings being hosted in Kona for the U of N Advisory Board

* Worship team at my church, Central Kona Union Church

* Teaching Sunday School for Filipino Youth on Sunday nights

* Putting together lesson plans for the Filipino Sunday School for while I'm away

I also want to share an awesome blessing I had last week. My cousin Vikki was able to come and visit for a week and it was perfect timing because I have few pressing responsibilities at the moment. We were able to go all over the island (mostly beaches!) and I know had she come during a school, I would not have been able to spend as much time with her as I did. The photo in this post is of her and I at the Pololu Valley lookout. We decided to do a "tourist" day and drive to some pretty places, but upon seeing the trail, Vikki insisted we hike it in our cute clothes and flip flops. It was definitely worth it!

If you ever want to come for a visit like Vikki did, give me a call or shoot me an email! Even if I don't have the free time like I did for Vikki's visit, I can always point you in the right directions and give you some local advice!

- OR - If you're interested in volunteering in Hawaii, check out the Mission Builders program.

I think that's about it for now. Thanks for taking the time to read my updates!

Akua Ho'omaika'i Oe!

Jillian

2012 - so far, SO good!

My neighbors and roommates in Kona welcomed be back with a delicious BBQ!

... And Lucas and Isaac made signs. Melts my heart!

Aloha from my lanai in beautiful Kailua-Kona!

I’ve been back for about 10 days now and I’m starting to resettle into life here. Most of you know I will be staffing the “Hawaiian Islands” School of Biblical Studies (SBS) this year, starting in April. The school will study the New Testament in Honolulu for 4 months and then relocate to Kona for 5 months studying the Old Testament. This means I’m not fully settling in here in Kona because in about 6 weeks I will fly over to Honolulu for staff training at the YWAM Honolulu base in Manoa before the school begins on April 2^nd.

The leader of this SBS, Plamena, has already relocated to Honolulu with her husband Eric, which means I am the Kona representative for the school before it starts. I was able to meet with Plamena and Eric before they left and they were able to delegate some responsibilities to me and we were also able to share and hear one another’s hearts for the upcoming school. I am excited to be responding to emails from prospective students and also talking to a few locals who’ve shown interest. One student I’m particularly excited about is Kesia, the daughter of my former leaders and good friends, Ben and Ali!

As staff, we’ve already chosen books to teach for the New Testament and I am excited to teach two books back to back: Ephesians and Colossians. I’ve already started studying Ephesians! It’s a powerful book about identity, the grace of God, and living as believers. Colossians is also a powerful book - if Ephesians is about the identity of believers, Colossians is all about the identity of Christ! Since the historical background of these two letters is similar, I’ve been asked to teach them in two consecutive days. Pretty awesome!

I’ve also been wrapping up details from the outreach I led to Fiji and Samoa in 2011. I’ve debriefed with both SBS leaders and Pacific leaders. This has been very helpful and encouraging personally, but it also is helpful to all of us who have a heart to see Pacific Islanders equipped and released into world missions. The more we talk, process, and pray, the more strategies seem to appear.

In my free time I am volunteering with Deep & Beyond, a ministry my friend, Annamari pioneered that reaches out to people in the community through various outdoor adventures. One example is this Friday I will be in the water assisting “Snorkel Day” participants! I’m really excited to be able to help out with this ministry part-time as I see it bless the community of Kona, especially (but not limited to) those with disabilities.

Mom & Dad got me a waterproof camera for Christmas! I will definitely use it to get some good photos of snorkel day!

Oh, and I saw Darlene Cunningham at church on Sunday and after exchanging comments about my new hairstyle, she asked if I had any time this quarter to help with hospitality. I jumped at the opportunity and said I’m pretty available this quarter, let me know how I can help! So, I’m looking forward to being able to serve with Darlene as she serves and opens her home to people from all walks of life. For those of you who don’t know Darlene, she is the co-founder (with her husband Loren) of Youth With A Mission, the family/movement/organization that I have worked/served/lived with since 2003.

So... besides lounging on the beach, I have found quite a few things to fill my days. ;) I suppose that’s all for now, but please do keep in touch and pray for the upcoming SBS in April! Also, please let me know if there’s anything you need prayer for. I’m always available to pray!

Bridget, me, and Stephanie - roommate beach day!

Akua ho’omaika’i oe! (God bless you!)

Jillian