a non-update-ish post

So... I've been a bit melancholy lately. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving Thailand and definitely believe God is using our team to bring His Word here.

But I've had some mixed emotions lately. I got online a few nights ago at Wawee Coffee (our internet connection of choice) and my friend, Vikki, had posted photos of their family vacations this summer - just the four of them... Their son Luke is with Jesus and being so far removed from the situation, I almost forget that he's not with us anymore - in the literal sense of the phrase. So I was reminded with these photos and it just made me cry and cry, even though I know its so good God is giving them special times with their other kids, Tori and Jake. It just was a dose of reality.

Then, add a layer of missing my brother too. He would have LOVED Thailand. I've been thinking a lot about him lately, so I decided to watch a movie we both enjoyed and could quote most of... Monty Python's "And now for something completely different." I laughed and could imagine my brother quoting the same lines of the "How NOT to be seen" sketch or the "How to defend yourself against a man armed with a piece of fresh fruit" sketch. We had it on VHS when we were in middle/high school and would fast forward to and replay all our favorite sketches!!! But... I couldn't quite hear his laugh, anymore. And, my teammates who were so kind to watch the movie with me didn't laugh at most of it... Monty Python takes a rather twisted and odd sense of humor I suppose.

I miss my brother. And though the following stuff is just that: stuff... I feel like I'm losing him more and more. I lost my phone, and my parents were planning on canceling their family plan anyway. My mom tells me that AT&T said I might not be able to have my old phone number, which was actually my brother's old phone number. Its just a phone number, why is it such a big deal, right? Then my friend in Hawaii emails me telling me she's received all my scuba stuff (also formerly my brother's) but that the BCD is bust. She took it into the shop and the guy said it was getting old, so the inside bladder had burst and it was not worth repairing. So I have to get a new BCD... and while it is just stuff.... I kind of liked that my gear was too big on me and it still had a hint of stale salt water and cigarette smoke... it reminded me of him... more specifically, it reminded me of him enjoying life doing something he loved.

One of the questions for the English Camp students to practice was "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" And sometimes they would ask me the question back. With their limited English I didn't know how much to say. Sometimes I just said, "Yes, I have one brother." Sometimes I ventured to say "I had a brother but he passed away." But euphemisms we find so comforting in English don't do well with Thai students struggling to learn English... I would have to repeat, "He died" or "He's dead." As their sweet little Thai faces would finally express their understanding, it was all I could do to keep my smile and move to the next question.

Yesterday, one of my teammates, Mike, gave a message on Jeremiah 29:11 and the context of it... that though it is one of the most quoted verses, it is often taken out of context, and most people don't realize that these were God's words to his people in EXILE. Mike gave a brief overview of the Old Testament, and basically tied it into this: Even in exile, even in hard times, God has good plans for his people... he did for Judah, and he does for us.

While I feel I should somehow be "over" missing my brother by now - its been over 3 years... I know I will never "get over it." But I do know that God has good plans and I do know that I can and must trust him in hard times.

So... Anyway... I do realize this was a very ME-centered update... but I thought I should share a bit more about how I'm really doing than just give a play-by-play of the ministry we have been involved in here. If you would rather the non-personal play-by-play updates... Facebook is good for that! (But seriously, sometimes you just don't have time to read a novel!!!)

Love to all, and I will be sure to post one of those play-by-play updates soon. We leave on Wednesday for an Akha Hill Tribe, so I will be out of touch for at least 3 days, but don't fear, I shall return to civilization and the wonders of the internet!