Post-Exile...

Angela told me today that I need to update, and since I know she's going through some tough stuff that I can't even begin to comprehend, I decided to indulge her request. If you are not Angela and you are reading this, well... lucky you!

If there's one thing I learned through the last few years after losing my brother, Jeff, its that humor and laughter is good medicine. I don't think I completely understand this, but it is. Granted, the timing for this sort of humor is crucial... a punch line at the wrong time could get a punch in the face. There's a time to bring a smile, and time to just join in the tears. I wish I had this nailed down to an art, but sometimes I get it. Sometimes I don't. I remember a few months after Jeff died, there was an incident involving pigeons and my mom possibly wetting herself that had us laughing for hours. I apparently was able to offer some comic relief to Angela on the phone yesterday, which was not intended, but I guess it helped... and sorry, the rest of you don't get to know what was so funny - that's a secret best left between friends. I don't know the point of this post except to say... God knows when we need to have a good laugh, and when we need to have a good cry. Or both.

So how do we live after feeling we're dying inside? I think this is something I'm reflecting a lot on as I read through these post-Exilic books of the bible. Judah had been carried away into exile under Babylon and then were still in captivity under Persia and now, 70 years later, God was giving them favor to return and to rebuild the temple and the wall of Jerusalem. They should be overjoyed right? Then why were some of them weeping at the laying of the foundation? Why were they still mourning the fall? There was an underlying realization of... things will never be the same again. The sad thing is, it wasn't meant to be the same. Judah had become so corrupt leading up to the fall in 586 BC that there was no other remedy. The interesting thing about these books is that despite this grief the people were feeling, God was encouraging his people to look forward with hope and joy for the future.

It will be 3 years since Jeff's accident on May 13th this year. I still don't feel like I have anything to offer to others who have lost loved ones or are going through hard situations. I still don't know what to say, but wish I could say something. Sometimes I do, then wish I wouldn't have. A roommate I had in Australia back in '03 lost her brother last year and got in contact with me on Facebook and asked for advice. I think she was asking the same thing I was asking others who were years further in the grieving process than myself: When does life go back to normal? When will I want to get out of bed again? When will this whole in my heart be mended? I didn't get the answers I wanted. I don't think I could offer them either. Loss hurts. And yet, God is present with us to give laughter when we need it, to comfort us when we need to cry... Perhaps there's wisdom in just not saying anything. Nothing people said, even when I was asking for them to say something, helped. It was just their presence. Knowing I wasn't alone even though I felt it very much so.

Well, I need to finish my homework for Nehemiah and Malachi. THESE ARE THE LAST BOOKS OF THE OLD TESTAMENT!!! (In our Chronological order, anyway!)

That means next week is spring break, and then after that... we get to meet JESUS!!! =)